What Does "Wasting Time" Even Mean?
This post was automatically translated by AI from the Japanese original.
This week I had no urgent work scheduled.
So I thought, “Let me take it easy” and “Let me do the things I want to do.”
But what I actually did was spend the time watching YouTube and social media on my phone…
When I was busy, I kept thinking that if I had time, I’d want to play more.
I feel like I wasted that time.
So today, I told myself, “This is the day!” and tried drawing a little and playing the piano.
Then the anxiety came back again: “Is it okay to spend a whole day like this?"
"Shouldn’t I be doing something more meaningful?”
But wait.
What does it even mean to waste time?
What does “meaningful” even mean?
I asked myself.
When I wrote down what is meaningful to me, I got:
- Things that lead to growth, like studying
- Things that earn money, like work
- Things that make other people happy, or get me praised
- Taking care of my health and keeping my mind steady
And on the other side:
- Relaxing with a coffee at a café
- Making small things by hand
- Drawing
- Playing the piano and enjoying music
Those are things that feel good to me, and yet I had been thinking of them as meaningless.
Whether an action has meaning
Whether the way I spend my time is a waste
I had been deciding all of that on my own.
Why do I think that things that help me grow, lead to money, or are useful to others are meaningful?
Because somewhere in me there’s a sense that “I’m not enough yet."
"I can’t stay like this.”
A sense of lack.
I put first becoming a better version of myself, or having someone tell me “You’re wonderful.”
And then, even when I’m enjoying my hobbies to the fullest, the voice in my head gets loud.
“Is it okay to be doing this?"
"Shouldn’t I be doing something more?”
It rushes me.
Even at a moment when there’s really nothing wrong and I could just feel quietly happy,
I’m trying to look away from the feeling that “I can’t stay like this.”
My own rules are creating the conflict ❗️
Whether that time was wasted, and whether it was a meaningful way to spend it, depends entirely on the voice in my head.
When I catch myself rushing myself with “this is wasted time,” what if I said, “That’s enough for today.”?
That’s enough.
I’m satisfied just as I am.
I think that if I stamp “OK” on the present, I’ll be able to choose.
The truth is, any way of spending time is fine.
▼ An article I wrote afterward about how I use my time and money
