I Want My Ideal Life and My Real Life to Be Connected
This post was automatically translated by AI from the Japanese original.
Earlier this year, an earthquake hit while I was traveling.
I had to change my plans a little, but luckily nobody was hurt and I got through it safely.
At the time, my worry was that my work felt dull and boring, and I had no motivation for it.
I hated it, but I couldn’t bring myself to change how I did things, and I couldn’t quite make up my mind to quit either. I was stuck in a restless fog.
Then the sudden earthquake came, and I thought:
“I’m worrying about all sorts of things right now, but in thirty minutes I might not even be able to do that.”
“Your life, the people you love, everything you’ve built up so far — it can all be taken away so easily.”
Then maybe a way of living that neglects the present for the sake of future happiness isn’t going to make me happy.
It’s work, so you do it whether you feel like it or not.
You decided once that you’d do this job, so you should keep going until you get results.
That’s what I used to think, but is that really the way I want to live?
For me, success isn’t supposed to be about making other people happy, being recognized by others, or building a visible status in society.
Don’t get me wrong — I’m not against hard work.
If it’s something you love, even growing at it is fun. You feel frustrated when you can’t do it, and curiosity naturally gives you the drive to learn.
But
if it isn’t fun right now, what’s the point of gritting my teeth and pushing through?
Telling myself “it’s hard now, but it’ll pay off someday” doesn’t really help.
Can’t I just be happy now?
Isn’t feeling happy right now what matters more?
My Ideal Way of Living
So how would I have to spend my days to be happy?
- Read lots of books, dig deeper into my inner world, and express myself richly
- Draw and express things that stay in my heart from daily life, and enjoy it
- Compose music, and arrange and play songs I love
- Feel my bond with the people I care about every day
- Keep my home in order, and make things by hand, like meals and small goods
- Do work where my schedule is full of things like “there’s nothing I don’t want to do” and “I’m grateful they let me do this too”
- Wake up excited in the morning, start on what I feel like doing that day, and fall asleep at night feeling satisfied
This is my ideal.
And yet, I get worn out by tasks I don’t want to do and spend my days gloomy. On my days off, I sleep until the afternoon from exhaustion, finish the housework, and end the day staring blankly at my phone.
The frustration of finding my work boring and drifting through my days probably comes from my ideal and my current life not being connected.
When it’s work, or something someone else asked me to do, I make time for it and put in effort even if I don’t like it. For example, writing to explain something or presenting in front of people. Even if I’m bad at it, I have to do it, so I practice a lot and prepare.
But when no pressure comes from outside and it only concerns me, nothing moves forward at all.
I’m not putting my energy into the things I’m interested in or could enjoy.
Two Kinds of “Liking”: Receiving and Growing
I think there are two kinds of things you like.
One is things like eating delicious food, traveling, or enjoying finished works such as music, games, and movies. What you enjoy is already complete, and all you have to do is receive it. These are things you can enjoy passively.
The other is things like cooking, creating, or exercising, where you use your own ingenuity and take the initiative. They aren’t finished products. You practice until you can do them, fail when things don’t go as planned, and raise them yourself, along with the hassle that comes with it.
I saw this in a video somewhere: when Saori Yoshida (a Japanese Olympic gold medalist in women’s wrestling) said she wanted a gold medal, her father told her, “It’s not something sold at a convenience store or a supermarket. You have to seize it through your own effort.”
What I want is like that too. Not the joy you get right away by exchanging money, but something I get by working for it. It’s something I raise myself, rather than passively consuming things made by something outside me.
Honestly, even when I think about drawing, I’m an amateur and it embarrasses me. I can’t fully express what I want to draw. Even when I want to enjoy music, I’ve never composed or arranged anything.
I’ve often started on something, put it off, and not kept it up.
When we were children, there was school. If we did our assignments we were praised, and if we didn’t we were scolded. The curriculum was set, so we knew what we had to do.
As adults, nobody forces us to do anything unless it’s work.
So to keep building a road from where I am now to my ideal, I think what matters is setting up my environment and growing myself so that I can do the things I want to do.
